Text by Holly McAlister

With the current national and worldwide security issues, more and more military members- active and reserve-are being called up to duty either unexpectedly or earlier than normal. When a wedding is in the works, this causes a couple to evaluate whether they will proceed with the wedding earlier than planned or whether they will postpone the wedding until the bride or groom returns from active duty. Below you will find important tips and suggestions that will make either decision run as smoothly as possible, especially concerning contracts and agreements with vendors.

Moving the date up...
Emily McCay had spent months planning for a beautiful fairy tale May wedding. When her fiancé David, an Army Reserves officer, was suddenly put on high alert, everything changed. A new wedding date had to be made, guests had to be contacted, new reception plans had to be ironed out, and all in a very short time. We recently spoke to Emily and asked her for some advice for other brides who may suddenly find themselves in the same situation over the next few months or years.

Above all, Emily stressed, "Keep it simple!" Sit down and ask yourself what is really important and what is not. What time consuming things can be cut out? What things will you really look back and remember and what ones will you not? It's more than likely that you won't have the wedding you'd planned on if you have to suddenly do it earlier, but that doesn't mean that it can't be absolutely beautiful and meaningful.

Delegation is key in remaining calm throughout the whirlwind of new preparations. Emily's family used a phone tree to let everyone know about her new reception date, since it would take too long to mail out a date change. Delegate tedious things like tying favors together or assembling floral arrangements, or simply purchase or rent things already done for you. Many vendors are very happy to do most of the work for you. Some catering companies can also provide the cake, and some halls or hotels can provide the entire wedding, down to the flowers, the music, and the food.

Because you are on such a short timeframe, Emily warns:” Don’t expect a lot of great deals." Since you no longer have the time to shop around, you may have to be prepared to go with something the first time you find it. Resist the urge to go to every shop in town who may or may not have the item, just to save a dollar. If finding the deals is still important to you, that may be something that you can delegate to a friend or family member. Most businesses will be glad to help you out over the phone, as well, which can save you more time.

As it should be with any wedding, but especially in a case like this, keep everything in writing, and keep all papers, receipts, and bills in one place. If you keep everything together, you will have a much easier time with returns, payments, refunds, and other changes. If you know that deployment is a great possibility, let your vendors know up front. When you first choose a vendor, find out if they have a policy for that scenario. If they do, be sure that you put into writing your agreement; if they do not have a policy in place, you may want to ask for an agreement to be written specifically for your wedding and situation. Air Force career officer and former commander Lieutenant Colonel George E. Bailey suggests including a "military clause" in any agreement or contract if possible. "This is a common practice in leases and rental agreements with military members that allows a soldier to break the agreement if the military transfers them prior to completion of the terms of the agreement. The same principal could apply to contracts with a caterer, wedding reception hall, and so forth. There normally is a time period or notification requirement of 90 days with a lease agreement, but it could be any length of time on which the two parties agree." Melissa Matheny, of Visions, also encourages brides in this situation to feel out prospective vendors from the start, to make sure that they choose ones who will be willing to comply with any sudden changes, as some will likely be more sympathetic to your situation than others.

Another important tip from Emily is to get plenty of rest and to eat well. This is an important time to stay healthy, relaxed, and clear thinking. Say no to anything that you possibly can that's not wedding related, and don't feel obligated to stay up late to get "just one more thing" finished. It will still be there in the morning for you and your helpers to work on.

When you do contact your vendors, be gracious with them. While most will be happy to help you as well as they can and certainly can sympathize with your situation, they are suddenly forced to change the date, which can be tricky for vendors who are busy and who are sometimes booked more than a year in advance. If you cannot agree on a good date and time, you may need to find a new vendor. Many, however, should be able to work with you and work out a solution. Many photographers, as with JR Photographic Services, may have an assistant who can finish one wedding while the main photographer goes on to start the next, or vice versa, in the case where you may need to select a date that the vendor has already set aside for another bride. Lisa Harris, of Flight of Fantasy, says that most vendors will be very willing to suggest alternative ideas or vendors to you if they themselves are unable to accommodate you.

Above all else, Emily gives one word of invaluable advice: "More than anything else, remember why you're there." You are being wed in holy matrimony to your one love. Your wedding dress, flowers, cake, and reception pale in the light of your love for each other. Don't worry about the favors that didn't arrive in time; your guests are there to see you marry your true love, not to notice that there were no fancy chocolates at their place settings. When you walk down the aisle, the dress that you purchased the week before the wedding will be just as beautiful to your fiancé as the one you had planned to have custom made for you. Every wedding is a beautiful, memorable one. Make sure to see the beauty in it, not the flaws.

Postponing the Wedding...
If you choose to push your wedding date back instead of making it earlier, talk to your vendors about rescheduling or about putting your deposit on hold until you can decide on the new date. Many vendors are very happy to do so and will do all they can to help you select a new date. Many vendors and services, such as Christy's Cakes, will set a new date with you up to a year in the future, possibly longer in special circumstances. If you find that you need to cancel with a vendor entirely, you may or may not be refunded your deposit. Some have policies that allow for all but the deposit to be returned, while some are happy to refund the whole amount. Kris Rommel, of Close To Home Video, says that he and many others would gladly refund a bride if they couldn't agree on a new date, especially in light of the fact that this situation is one so important and so out of the bride's and groom's control. Some vendors will offer you other services or products in lieu of a refund, such as JR Photographic Services, who will let you carry a retainer for other photographic services for up to a year.

No matter which decision you and your fiancé make, do so with an open mind, rational discussion, and much thought. Every couple is unique, and what is right for one may not be right for another. Be sure to go with what the two of you believe is right, and any decision will be a good one.

Having to suddenly decide whether to wed earlier than planned or to postpone your nuptials until after you or your fiancé returns from duty can be a difficult decision, emotionally and practically. Air Force Lieutenant Colonel George E. Bailey gives this advice when considering the practical side of things:

“Any Reserve or Guard couple planning to marry should discuss and consider the possibility of marrying prior to the member's departure if the member is called up. The couple should not [necessarily] marry prematurely; but if the date is an arbitrary one picked simply to convenience others or for some [other flexible] rationale, moving it up to prior to the member's departure might be advisable. If the service member is married when called up, the member will receive benefits for his or her dependant, or spouse, as well. The spouse will be allowed benefits of the military, to include health care while the member is on active duty. Serviceman's Group Life Insurance for the member and spouse is an optional benefit, offered at a price normally lower than going commercial rates.

Given the nature of the business of the military, these [and other similar provisions] might be an additional comfort benefit. However, a decision to marry should not be based solely on monetary gain. The seriousness and reality of war must be factored in before making a decision to marry prior to deployment. Only if the couple has fully considered the options should they wed prior to deployment. By the same token, waiting to marry may relieve stress on the loved one that remains at home. Each couple must decide for themselves.

Another possible benefit is the SSCRA, or the Soldiers and Sailors Civil Relief Act, most recently amended in 1991 during Desert Storm, allowing for certain provisions for those military members suddenly affected financially while on active duty. According to the Department of Defense, "the protection begins on the date the reservist enters active duty service and terminates upon release from active duty. However, some protections under the act extend for a limited time beyond discharge but are tied to the discharge date. Additionally, some of the Act's protections extend to the members' dependents." Such provisions can include legal termination of a lease, lower credit card rates, postponement of civil court proceedings, cancellation of auto leases, and other legal protection. To find out more about the SSCRA, contact your unit or installation legal assistance office, or go to http://www.defenselink.mil.