Text by Andrea Loveless, Exquisite Weddings
Photography by Frankenberger Photography

Congratulations on your recent engagement! In the months to come, you will be busy attending planning and attending pre-wedding parties all in honor of you, the engaged couple! Here you will find insight into what is involved with each celebration.

Engagement Party
The engagement party is usually the first gathering that takes place. After you have announced your engagement to close family and friends, the festivities begin! Traditionally, the parents of the bride host a party in honor of the engaged couple. If the bride’s parents are unable to host the party, it may be held by the groom’s parents or other close family or friends. The bride’s mother or father makes the official announcement in the form of a toast, welcoming their future son-in-law into the family. The groom’s parents should be invited, making it a perfect time to introduce them to the bride’s family and friends, as well.

It is not unusual to have two engagement parties, the second hosted by the groom’s parents to announce the exciting news to their close family and friends. If the parents of the groom wish to give a party honoring the couple, it should be given after the announcement has been made by the bride’s parents.

The invitations used for this event may be formal or informal. Formal invitations may be engraved on cotton fiber paper reading “In honor of Emily Smith and John Townsend”. Informal invitations may be crafted from colorful cardstock and vellum reading “Please join us in celebrating the engagement of Emily Smith and John Townsend”. The stationery that is chosen will set the tone and ambiance of your celebration.

When creating your guest list, it is most polite to invite only those guests who will be invited to the wedding. The party may be a luncheon, brunch, dinner or cocktail party. Displaying pictures of the engaged couple in creative ways adds a personal touch. Gifts are generally not given and should not be expected. Any gifts that are brought should be opened in private, so that guests who did not bring a gift will not feel uncomfortable.

After the engagement party has taken place, remember to send thank-you notes for gifts you received and a special thank-you to your host and hostess for honoring you with an event so grand.

Bridal Showers
According to most etiquette sources, a member of your immediate family-such as a parent, sibling, aunt, or uncle-should not host a gift-giving event. Your shower may be thrown by your maid of honor, bridesmaids, close friend, or more distant relative. The purpose of the shower has always been to help furnish the couple’s new home, or assemble the bride’s trousseau. It also gives family and friends an opportunity to meet one another before the wedding.

If it’s been a while since you’ve been to a shower, you may be in for a surprise. Bridal showers are not what they used to be, ladies! Say goodbye to boring showers full of brain-boggling games, annoying clothespins, and crepe paper wedding bells. One of today’s trends is the couple’s shower, a fun way to get your fiancé and his buddies involved in the wedding festivities.

Another fun trend is the themed shower. If you and your fiancé enjoy gardening, why not have a garden shower. Hold the party outdoors in a garden setting, using wheelbarrows as the “gift table” and garden stakes as the place cards.

Maybe your wedding is close to Christmas. Guests can bring an ornament as their gift to the couple. By the end of the shower you will have enough Christmas ornaments to fill your first holiday with love.

Another fun theme is a recipe shower. Each guest is asked to bring their favorite dish and share the recipe with the couple. This can be especially heartwarming when someone shares a recipe with you that have been passed down through several generations.

Remember, whatever theme you choose, couples or ladies only, your bridal shower should reflect the friendships you have created over the years. This is a great time for your bridal attendants to get to know each other and how they all play an integral part in your life.

Bridesmaids’ Tea or Bridal Luncheon
Handmade pink invitations, your grandmother’s fine china, dainty petits fours, and lifelong girlfriends; your bridesmaids. tea or bridal luncheon is your chance to feel like a lady.
Remember playing tea party as a little girl, dressing up in Mommy’s shoes and hats? Now you’re all grown up!

The bride, along with the help of her mother, is responsible for hosting the tea or luncheon to thank your bridesmaids for all their hard work on the wedding. Although this pre-wedding party is not a requirement, your maid of honor and bridesmaids will feel your appreciation for them as you spend a lovely afternoon together relaxing, reminiscing, and fondly dreaming of your upcoming wedding. This is also an excellent opportunity to present your bridesmaid with small gifts for being your attendants.

Bachelor and Bachelorette Party
These pre-wedding parties are self explanatory! Remember to hold this event one to two weekends before the wedding date. Never attend a bachelor or bachelorette party the night before your wedding. If alcohol will be consumed, be responsible and use a limousine service or a designated driver to ensure the safety of everyone!

Rehearsal Dinner
Following the rehearsal of the ceremony, once everyone knows when to enter, where to stand, when to light candles, when to read or sing, and when to exit, it is time to celebrate! The rehearsal dinner is traditionally the responsibility of the groom’s parents. It can be held at the groom’s home, a restaurant, country club, ballroom or any other agreed upon venue. The formality of this event typically reflects the formality of the overall wedding, but this is not a hard fast rule.

Although sending invitations is not required, many guests appreciate this gesture. For a formal rehearsal dinner, invitations are highly recommended. For a more intimate dinner, word of mouth is sufficient. Guests should include parents, grandparents, close family, bridal attendants and out of town guests.

During the dinner is a great opportunity to thank close family and friends for sharing with you this incredible journey. If you have purchased small gifts for your attendants, this is an appropriate time to distribute them if you did not do so at a bridal luncheon. Thanking parents with a small gift is always encouraged. Pictures of the couple as children growing up or a video montage are fun ideas. This allows parents to remember their babies and best friends to get one final laugh. If alcoholic beverages will be served, remember to keep them to a minimum (that goes for your bridal party as well). You want your party to be alert, energized, and happy on the wedding day.

Someone once said “Today is the first day of the rest of your life”. All of these pre-wedding parties have led up to the finale-your wedding day! Remember to relax, enjoy, and absorb every moment; this is your time to shine. Congratulations!