Depending on how far into the wedding planning process you are, you might be wondering right now, “What happened to the woman I asked to marry me?” Sure this strange creature looks a lot like her, but her mannerisms clue you in to the fact that the real her must have been abducted by aliens. Inside the shell of what used to be a vivacious, loving and friendly person now exists a more emotional, more frantic and perhaps slightly less friendly version. What happened?

The Wedding. That’s what happened.

In case you haven’t been clued in to this yet, a wedding is quite a daunting task to undertake. Not only does your beautiful bride have to get 200 people from all walks of life into a fabulous venue and keep them happy and entertained for 5 hours, she has to look her best the whole while. In and of itself, that is a task any self-respecting woman would not want to tackle alone. When you add in the fact that some of the “help” she has commandeered is starting to wear her patience thin… Well, you could have a royal disaster on your hands. So before your relationship goes up in an explosion of flowers, lace, and fluffy dresses, we would like to offer some helpful advice.

Your fiancée needs you right now. A few gestures on your part could make the difference between a pleasant planning time and a loooooong engagement. Though the ideas we offer seem focused on the bride, the benefits of a happy fiancée and happy wife await you.

Start small. At the beginning, your main assignments are to listen and act interested. It may seem like an easy request, but after weeks of hearing nothing but wedding talk you may be ready to buy some ear plugs. Don’t. Realize that she is obsessing because she cares. She is excited about becoming Mrs. You and willing to drop everything else in life to make that special day something to remember. Listen, listen, and listen some more. And rolling your eyes the entire time takes away points.

As the wedding planning gets into full swing, accompanying your fiancée in running errands may be required. If it isn’t required, it might be desired. Though you may spend the entire trip fantasizing about being elsewhere doing other things – golfing, cheering on your team at the big game, napping, watching paint dry – it is really important that you don’t let on. I’m not going to lie to you. It could get ugly. You are walking into the throws of matrimonial fashion and event design, one of the most estrogen infused industries around. There could be frilly things, flowers and lots of pink around every corner. But if you can stick it out, WITHOUT COMPLAINING, for just a few hours…your bride will be more willing to let you stay at home with the guys next time. This test of patience just shows her how far you are willing to go to make sure she is happy. Plus, you will have to get used to going places you don’t want to go if you plan on being married for the long haul. Just a part of the deal.

A little compromise comes if you automatically volunteer to take care of some things that you wouldn’t mind handling (i.e. music, food, anything that interests you). It may get you out of helping with things you’d rather not.

So those are the more mundane and tedious tasks of helping out your fiancée. Let’s talk about something more fun for both of you. How would you like to play her knight in shining armor and whisk her away for a while? Okay, so you don’t get the sword – a big disappointment I know – but the whisking part could be cool.

With all of the stress that fills her days, she will need a break. Unfortunately, she is so busy planning that she doesn’t even remember to pause for those much needed interludes. This is where you come in. Plan some dates during your engagement that are set aside for relaxation. Take her to a nice dinner, cook for her at home, give her a relaxing foot massage, go gaze at the stars in some secluded location. Make sure you check her schedule so you don’t pull her away from an appointment, and then just get away from it all. Try to keep the conversation on things other than the upcoming nuptials. If she is intent on discussing the time ahead, try to discuss what marriage is going to be like instead of the wedding date itself. Even the most simple of dates can be more refreshing than you know.
Want to go the extra mile? Surprises are the way to her heart. I’m not talking about the kind of surprises you find in the back of your fridge after vacation or on your floor after leaving your dog inside all day. I’m talking about flowers waiting for her at work, cards with encouraging messages, get-togethers with friends you haven’t seen in a while, and hugs and kisses when she isn’t expecting them. You probably worked pretty hard to get this fabulous creature to like you enough to marry you. Don’t quit now. Show her that you will stay her Prince Charming forever and not turn into a toad the moment she kisses you at the altar. Small gestures that show her that you think about her a lot… those will always matter.

And what about you? How do you stay sane?

Don’t take it too seriously. The wedding, that is. Take your fiancée and the marriage seriously. All of this fuss may seem like a pain right now, but it will soon be over. Be sensitive to your bride-to-be who has a lot on her mind. Humor your parents and inlaws and don’t let them drive you to frustration. You will find that once all of the frenzy dies down and the last piece of wedding cake has been eaten, most people and relationships will go back to normal. Try to be the pillar of strength and calm in this champagne and roses storm.

Your bride will thank you for it. You will thank yourself for keeping your true love as happy with you as the day she agreed to marry you. Because as we know in wedding circles…

If the bride ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!