It’s the night before The Big Day. You’ve made all of the preparations, booked everything that needs to be booked, reserved and altered everyone’s attire, mailed all invites, given your final counts, and taken care of hundreds of issues you never even thought about a year ago. Out of town relatives have arrived. Everything and everyone is in place. Groom - Check, Church - Check, Bridesmaids - Check, Dress, Flowers, Cake, Family, Caterer, Music - Check. The countdown begins. Wedding in T minus 9…8...7…

Wait a minute! We forgot something…something important!

Relax. Breathe. It isn’t anything that you forgot to do. In fact, it’s nothing to stress over at all. Quite the opposite!

It’s your Rehearsal Dinner
Large or small, casual or formal, the rehearsal dinner can be just as memorable as your wedding, and often more relaxing. The rehearsal dinner offers, among many things, one valuable commodity that will seem in short supply on the following day: time. This often more intimate affair gives you a chance to spend time with close friends and relatives in a less hurried environment. It can also turn into a time to bond with future in-laws in planning the event or, if left up to you and your fiancé to plan, another opportunity to be creative in showcasing who you are as a couple.

Thanks to your in-laws, family, and friends, your rehearsal dinner will be a night for everyone to remember.

Creative Ideas for a Memorable Rehearsal Dinner
When it comes to the rehearsal dinner, the possibilities are endless, perhaps even more so than for your wedding. With a typically smaller guest list, you can be as elegant or casual as you desire. This could be the time to pick a theme entirely different from the wedding or go more elaborate with the next day’s theme. Let your imagination run wild! And in case it needs a little spark, Here are some ideas to get you started.

Can’t take the guests away for the wedding? How about giving them a taste of the exotic for the rehearsal dinner? Choose a favorite locale, perhaps the destination of your honeymoon or a place you and your fiancé have always wanted to visit, and plan accordingly. Start with a restaurant that caters to your theme or a venue where you can have appropriate foods and cocktails catered in. Décor can be simple – flower or candle arrangements, pictures of the destination, themed items for centerpieces (seashells, toy boats, small plants, etc.), or you can go all out with colored lights, exotic-print tablecloths, tropical flower arrangements or real flower leis. And don’t forget to tie everything together with music to set the mood. Encourage your guests to dress the part and really get into the theme. Your family and friends will love this mini-vacation.

So Many Themes, So Little Time
Destinations not your thing? Try basing your rehearsal dinner theme on something else interesting or important to you and your fiancé. Choose a decade, hobby, musical style, or even favorite color. Once you decide on a theme, many of the other elements will fall into place. Be creative and have fun!

The Place is the Thing
With a smaller and more mobile guest list, the rehearsal dinner destination doesn’t have to be ‘the norm’. If you have more time to amuse your guests, think about scheduling your dinner on a boat cruise or dinner train. For the young at heart, try renting out a local movie theatre. Some theatres will allow you to show your own presentations on the screen – a good opportunity to show off those pictures of you and your fiancé from way back when. Although traditionally a nice seated dinner, the rehearsal dinner can take on any form you would like. Ponder what great idea might get your own party hopping!

Extreme Opulence
Take time to treat your family and friends like the royalty that they are. With fewer people in attendance, many couples find it easier and more financially feasible to lavish this small party with star treatment for a night than to treat the entire guest list to the next day’s festivities. And for those planning a four-star wedding, a formal rehearsal dinner is also in keeping with the events to come. What ever your reason, you can seldom go wrong with an elegant affair. For this evening, it is best to find an elegant restaurant or caterer experienced in the art of fine dining. Make sure you find out what the caterer provides in the way of linens, china and silver. You should expect crisp cloth linens and white glove service at your desired location. Fois gras just isn’t the same on a paper plate. In a restaurant, think about arranging for the chef to do a tour of his or her best wines and cuisine. The key to pulling off an event such as this is for everyone, you included, to feel pampered and never have to lift a finger. Your sole duty should be to relax and enjoy your guests. A nice touch would be to send out simple invitations to the guests of your rehearsal dinner. Although many of them will already be planning on attending, this lets them know what type of attire and atmosphere to expect. It will be a night sure to leave everyone feeling like a million.

The Comforts of Home
For some couples, a relaxing night at home seems like the perfect way to prepare for the next day. With close friends and family gathered, it feels quite natural to entertain close to home. Think about hosting an outdoor dinner or buffet-style meal with everyone’s favorite comfort foods of the season. Perhaps now would be a good time to showcase pictures or video of the bride and groom in younger years. Décor can be minimal when the focus is on the gathering itself. Appropriate decorations should assist in creating a welcoming atmosphere – candles, pictures, soft fabrics.

Although casual is the name of this game, don’t scoff at hiring people to assist with preparation and clean up. The last thing the wedding party or couple needs to worry about is cooking or washing dishes. It might even be wise to have this event at a close relative or friend’s home, rather than the bride, groom or parents’ abode. If “home sweet home” it must be, set the dinner early enough that everyone has plenty of time to rest before the next day’s events. When you and your guests leave this dinner, you should all feel the warm glow of love and friendship all around.

Progressive Thinking
Small wedding party with lots of energy? Maybe a progressive dinner is right up your alley. This type of rehearsal dinner is perfect for couples who want to make it with a his and hers bachelor party. Start by picking a restaurant for each of the three main courses (appetizer, entrée, dessert). Call ahead and make reservations if possible. If the venue does not accept reservations, make sure they are aware of your party coming at a certain time. Enjoy the food and company and stay on your toes. A great way to finish the evening is at a ballgame, dance, or comedy club, or karaoke. Just be sure to start early enough that you don’t wear yourselves out. It will make for a wild and crazy night destined to keep everyone laughing.

Garden Party
Who says the rehearsal dinner has to be a dinner? Due to the time of year, time of week or schedules of your wedding party, sometimes the rehearsal festivities fit better at different times of the day. Don’t be afraid to throw a perfectly lovely brunch or garden party in lieu of a dinner that evening. Mid-day affairs should be more casual and light in theme, although never just an afterthought. An afternoon tea atmosphere is the perfect compliment to a more formal evening wedding. This time of day might make it easier for you to reserve space with an elegant restaurant or it may be more fitting for an outdoor affair when you want to showcase the beauty of your surroundings. As weddings are becoming more diverse and creative, it is always acceptable to elegantly shift tradition.

Your rehearsal dinner can be as lively, classy, fun or fabulous as you are. Although weddings themselves commonly ascribe to more rules of etiquette and decorum, the rehearsal dinner is open season for expressing all things creative. Round up your fiancé, in-laws and family and start planning an affair for your wedding party to remember.

An Event to Bond Over
Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner is thrown by the parents of the groom in honor of the couple and the wedding party. More commonly, or more specifically, this task falls to the mother of the groom. Some mothers-of-the-groom are delighted to be a part of the wedding festivities and relish the thought of planning said feast. Others are left bewildered, still grappling with the concept of their little boy getting married or simply unsure of what type of event to plan. In either case, the bride should grab this opportunity to spend some quality time with the new ‘Mom.’ She could be an old friend of the family or a complete stranger, but either way she is about to be family. Starting off on the right foot is always a good idea.

Super-Mom
So your mother-in-law is Martha Stewart. She might not need help planning the rehearsal dinner. She may not even want it. But you can still take some time with her and bond over this blessed event. Perhaps invite her to lunch and discuss plans or go with her to run errands. Ask her questions about her own wedding or how she learned to plan such nice events. Learn from her. Seeing how she handles the rehearsal dinner will clue you in to how she will handle other events and family gatherings in the future. It also gives you a glimpse of what your husband-to-be is used to. This knowledge can go a long way in preventing disappointment or misunderstanding between you and him or you and his family in the future. Being interested in her plans also shows her that you are interested in her, and being a part of her family.

As for the dark side of things that no one likes to speak of, sometimes, the rehearsal dinner becomes a competition between parents-of-the-groom and parents-of-the-bride for who can throw a better party. There, it’s said. Being there for your mother-in-law may do a lot to show her that competition isn’t necessary.

In a nutshell: be there to help, give advice only when asked, and approach any undesirable plans with delicacy.

Dazed and Confused
It’s her first rehearsal dinner. She wants it to be perfect but has no clue where to go or what to do. Enter You - the Hero. Seriously, you can be a big blessing to the mother-in-law who doesn’t know where to start. Approach her early in the game by casually mentioning how much fun you had at other rehearsal dinners or how excited you are about yours. Ask if she had anything in mind or if she needs any help from you. By this point in the conversation, you will know how comfortable she is with the subject. The key is to let her know that you know she’ll do a great job but not to pressure her. If she is open to suggestions, show her articles full of ideas or rattle off some of your own. If she doesn’t seem open to discussing the affair with you, this might be a good time for your fiancé to step in and ease his mom into the process. Let her know that you realize what a daunting task planning an event can be and you think it would be fun to plan it together. It could be enjoyable, as well as entertaining, to plan something as a surprise for your fiancé with the woman who loved and cared for him prior to your entrance.

In the case of the mom who has no clue where to start, you will be leading this team by serving. Stay in touch with what she feels comfortable doing and help with the things she would rather not. Provide information on venues, themes, and caterers before she needs to ask. Let her know that you are there to assist her, not take over. At the end, you will have a mother-in-law who appreciates what a helpful daughter-in-law you can be.

In A Land Far, Far Away
Your Prince Charming hails from a land many miles from your own kingdom. His mother will not be traveling from her home until the great day approaches. In this case you may have a mother-in-law who is perfectly willing to plan the rehearsal dinner but doesn’t know the territory or will have trouble meeting the vendors. It may not evoke visions of mother-daughter bonding brunches in your mind, but in this day and age she’s only an email away. She may need you to run errands for her; do the legwork and report back. She might not be familiar with Louisville or the surrounding areas at all and wouldn’t know where to book a rehearsal dinner.

Step One: Find out what type of affair she would like this to be – certain type of cuisine, casual, formal, etc. It is best to leave budget out of it for etiquette and comfort reasons.

Step Two: Send her a list of possible venues with contact information. Make sure you allow for a range of budgets. List places where you would enjoy having the dinner and know others would enjoy as well. Tactfully leave off any venues that you don’t prefer.

Step Three: Be accessible and wait for her to direct you as her needs arise. Have her give the event director at the chosen venue your contact information as well as hers, so that way they can reach a local contact in case of emergency changes.

Step Four: Stay in touch. Use the excuse of planning this dinner to really open the lines of communication with your future mother-in-law. The hope is that those lines will stay open long after the festivities are over.

It has been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. While that may ring true for some, more often than not the path of good relations with his mother will endear you to him even further. Up to this point, she has been THE woman in his life. His marriage can be a rough transition for both of them. With you helping to ease the process, all parties can end up happier. Plus, she may share some recipes and then you can hit the heart and the stomach all at once. That’s called multitasking, something any bride should be familiar with.

Helpful Hints for Hosting the Rehearsal Dinner
Whether you intend the rehearsal dinner to be ultra-formal or comfy and casual, there are certain basics that apply all around. Making sure these bases are covered is central to a well-planned event. No matter how fabulous your venue or delicious your entrées, if you are three meals short, half the bridal party is late, and Aunt Mildred is miffed because you didn’t invite her, it may not be the dining experience of your dreams. Let’s do our best to prevent that, shall we?

Whom to Invite
The rehearsal dinner guest list consists typically of the bride and groom, parents of both, grandparents of both, wedding party, ceremony officiant as well as any other participants in the wedding. Designed as a thank you to those who made the next day possible, this event originated as an intimate affair. Though the typical guest list still stands with most rehearsal dinners, the list is best determined by the circumstances surrounding the event.
A couple with many out of town relatives traveling in for the blessed day may choose to include those relatives in the rehearsal dinner festivities the night before. After all, Aunt Mildred did drive all the way down here from Boston just to see you and celebrate with the family. Many family members are eager to spend as much time with loved ones as possible. When inviting out-of-town relatives, be sure to include those close by as well. It will save hurt feelings later.

Considerations when expanding your guest list are cost, convenience, and relationships. You may want to invite just about everyone to your fiesta, but that is seldom necessary. Depending on who is footing the bill for this soirée, more people may make the night more of a burden than blessed event. Unless previously discussed, or you are covering the cost yourself, try to keep the guest list to a number within reason. Also ask yourself the feasibility of having so many people in the venue you have chosen. Packing fifty people into the event room of a restaurant is nigh on impossible. Most importantly, consider the dynamics of your relationships – something only you can determine. Some distant relatives may see attendance as an obligation, while the neighbor you have known since 1st grade who volunteered to help set-up the wedding may take it as an honor. Use your best judgment.

What Type of Dinner to Host
You are the best judge of what type of event to host. Determine what will be the most relaxing, convenient or fun rehearsal dinner for you and your guests. Some things to consider are formality level, cuisine that everyone will enjoy, time of day that best fits the schedule of your guests, the distance or ease of travel from the rehearsal site and that night’s accommodations, and ages of those attending. Decide what elements will be most important to you and your guests that evening and plan accordingly.

What to Know About Your Venue
It is best to know how many people will be attending and what type of atmosphere you desire before booking your dinner site. The event space at a festive local restaurant may be perfect for a party of 25 or less, but crowded and loud for a larger group. Think through these details and be sure to ask the event director at each venue those questions that apply:

• How many people can the venue seat?
• Is the area closed off from, or away from, other patrons?
• Are children welcome?
• Is the menu pre-determined or ordered by individuals that night?
• What is provided – tables, chairs, linens, china, silver, décor?
• If your venue does not provide food, is there a preferred caterer?
• Is alcohol allowed or provided?
• Is the facility comfortable for those with disabilities?
• Are there indoor and/or outdoor options?
• How many hours are you able to have the space?
• Does the rental time clock start at the designated time or when the party arrives?
• Are there any other restrictions of which you should be aware of?

The answers to these questions will help determine which venue to choose.

Other Vendors You Might Need
If you are holding your rehearsal dinner at any place other than a restaurant, you will likely need the help of other vendors to pull off your party. Even if you will be at a full-service facility, you might consider some other vendors to put the proverbial icing on the cake. Once you know what items or services are provided by the venue, begin looking for the remaining few. Consult the checklist below to make sure you are completely prepared for a wonderful event. Hint: The more items or services that any one vendor provides, the less stressful it is to organize.

• Tables/chairs
• Linens
• Dishes/China
• Silverware/Utensils
• Food
• Beverages/Alcohol
• Servers
• Décor/Flowers
• Music
• Lighting
• Photography

Once these basic decisions are made, feel free to embellish to your taste. As long as the more practical items are taken care of, your rehearsal dinner should go smoothly. Never hesitate to ask questions of vendors or friends who have done this in the past. A bit of research and work on the front end makes for a relaxing and enjoyable event when the time comes.